A New Garden-Hannah Graves

I’ve learned quite a few things in my life the hard way. My mother and father’s gentle nature, meshed with my organic tenacity, proved to be a blessing and a curse. One of my biggest goals in life for as long as I could remember was to be a wife and mother, according to scripture. The enemy saw this as an opportunity to bury me alive.

At the delicate age of 27, I’ve experienced not one but two abusive relationships. One being a nightmare, the other being an even bigger nightmare. I know you’re probably thinking: “Two? Really, Hann?” Well, I needed it. All the events that occurred during that time and in the aftermath were real character builders. I felt like God removed His Hands from me. Little did I know God was using it for His glory in the end. I stared out into the vast dryness of singleness and holding the ashes of something that was never real to begin with. Discombobulated by the enemy. Often, I would ask God “Why me?”

I remember the time I first picked up a Bible after that. It has been probably weeks; to be fair, I felt ashamed and felt as if God was ashamed of me too. Like I should have known who they were. The first passage I came to when I open up my Bible was Psalm 88. This passage spoke to me saying “sometimes bad things happen and it’s human to grieve over them.” The presence of the Holy Spirit was speaking to me; I knew it. Tears streaming down my face, I continued to read the little study snippet at the top of the page: “Why Do Bad Things Happen to God’s People?” Protection, Purpose, Punishment.

God’s protection and plucked me away from those situations; I knew God’s purpose for me was for me to share my story and glorify Him in it. But I won’t lie to the punishment one hurt a little. I couldn’t stay away from the scripture in that section nonetheless. Hebrews 12:6-11 tells me that God chastises those whom He loves, making us sons and daughters; discipline, bringing forth a bountiful harvest. When we go through life’s struggles sometimes, we cannot see God’s love, purpose, plan, and sovereignty; all woven together in a beautiful garment.

I am a child of God.

And I am that child with my fingers reaching toward power outlet when every single time my Heavenly Father swipes me up and says “No little one.” I’ve grown a lot since then. So leave the old ideas of what you thought your life would be like to die; because God was planting you all along. Amen.

Blessings, Hannah.